the logic of fish and fear.

18 Aug

there are several things in this world that make me…for lack of a better phrase…highly suspicious. the first of these things are butterflies. the second are birds. and the third, oh the third, are fish.

while it is primarily by coincidence that these are all living things, my guess is it is not coincidental that each of these creatures has one unifying characteristic: unpredictability.

butterflies constantly flutter around getting all up in your business, birds can attack literally at any moment and fish – well for god sakes – they just slink around in a slimy state acting as if they own the joint. those bastards.

well, despite weeks of protest, the husband is about to embark on a 4 day fishing trip in northern bc where his primary goal will be to interact with most, if not all of the above. most terrifyingly of which are fish. more specifically, salmon.

have you ever actually seen a salmon? if not, well enjoy this visual feast:

evil bastards

they are really f*&king ugly! and what’s worse is that i’m almost positive they are the al capone’s of the ocean – ruling the seas with an iron fist (fish) looking for unsuspecting victims to maul.

this hardcore scientific reasoning is why i am completely and utterly beyond panicked about husband’s fishing trip.

i’m seriously not kidding when i say that for the last week i have been having these insane visions of le husband falling off a boat into seriously deep waters, freezing to death and/or being carried away by a band of salmon. which sounds sorta like fun, until you factor in their innate evil-dom.

was i scared about getting married? nope. moving 12,952 km away to india? nah. walking around seriously putrid kolkata slums day in and day out? come on now.

but am i – no joke – terrified for my husband’s safety as he takes those tiny putt-putt planes to no-cell reception no-internet northern bc to taunt salmon for 4 days. and narwhals. but don’t even get me started on narwhals.

so the things we fear are sometimes idiotic, but does that make them any less valid? probably not.

this being the case, today  – like many days come to think of it – i thank god for chilled chardonnay.

what the what?

9 Responses to “the logic of fish and fear.”

  1. Brenna August 18, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

    It’s about time the narwhals finally made it into the blog!

  2. sarsartheflan August 18, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

    Oh my god, I didn’t realize just how irrational this fear was.

    Blog request: please do a separate post about narwhals, aka the Unicorns of the Sea.

    • heyitsmeal August 18, 2011 at 6:37 pm #

      super irrational – but i think what’s important here is i accept that it’s irrational. hah.

      request under consideration.

      miss you flan flan

  3. A.A.B. (auntie angie baby) August 18, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Maybe you are really just afraid he’s going to have a swell time without you and want to do again. Maybe every year. Or maybe twice a year.

    • heyitsmeal August 18, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

      you bite your tongue woman! dont encourage him.

      • A.A.B. (auntie angie baby) August 18, 2011 at 11:58 pm #

        You clearly don’t remember putting your hands in our fish tank to see if you could catch the ‘ittle wishies’.

  4. Hannah August 21, 2011 at 9:17 pm #

    Birds are my favorite of your irrational fears. Living with you in Europe made that a wonderful thing to giggle at.

    • heyitsmeal August 22, 2011 at 12:26 am #

      ahhh pigeons with stumps for feet in the paris train stations. i still have nightmares.


  1. as if the whole world is watching. « hey it's me, al. - August 21, 2011

    […] you, in bringing up said truth-telling i think brenna was referring to my lingering suspicion of narwhals…but no matter, her point still […]

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