so the last week or so has seen me taking a break from india. not an official break mind you, although i’ve been close a few times. this small moment away is really for your sake because you’re about to get a shit-storm of indian updates when the husband gets here in just five days. five days bitches!
for now, we move on to other things.
i grew up – let’s be honest here – in a bit of a showy suburban community. and because i’m a product of my environment, i am always keen to learn tidbits of gossip about the individuals who speckled my youth.
i recently heard, by somewhat shady means, that this uppity chick i grew up with got engaged. so, as you do, i laughed to myself and thought “wow, wonder what her fo’ shiz tacky 2 bajillion dollar engagement ring looks like. what is she, a kardashian? pfffft.”
my awesome insult aside, i quickly forgot about her and moved on to more important things. things like chardonnay.
but a few days later the i noticed that she popped back into my head – despite me screaming “get out, out, out” in lady macbeth styles. clearly, the fact that she – of all people – had found someone to actually marry her was causing subconscious distress.
setting the scene for a scooch, this girl was the holier-than-thou kind: she was loaded, pretty and smart. if she’d been a genuinely nice person, accepting her winning-the-lottery-of-life wouldn’t have been so bad. but she wasn’t – she was a total bitch.
yet, everyone, including me, still held her up as their own personal benchmark of coolness. as it often goes with the ones we love to hate.
i knew her for almost 15 years. so this got me thinking, could she really have changed so much that i actually believed that she could be humble and selfless enough to be someone’s wife?
now that was a thinker.
so last night as i listened to a little marvin gaye and got to pondering this whole idea of character changes – one of my exes popped into my mind.
this guy was quite possibly the living, breathing anti-christ. a liar and a cheater in the most flamboyantly creative of ways, i am convinced he is probably the worst person i have ever met to date.
but dudes, about six months ago, someone actually married this guy!
i mean, we were together a while, so i saw first hand what a terrible human being he was. (and yes, i realize this opens up a series of questions about me, but not now – jeez!) how much could the anti-christ ex really have changed in the five or six years since we split up that he went from being a potential maniac to someone’s life partner?
come on now.
i frequently and fully own the fact that i’ve been a real cough, see-you-next-tuesday, cough to certain individuals. these select people, when they learned that i got married through the suburban network of secrets and lies, probably wondered “who the hell would marry her? no seriously, who?”
and the truth is, i can’t blame them.
the moment i met the husband something clicked: i just wanted to be more than i was. i saw how good he was to his friends to his family to everyone he ever met and i knew i needed to unlock that part of my heart that was better – more than it was bitchy.
and thus began my real self. the real improved one, anyway.
so as much as i’d like to accept that the pretentious super skank and the psycho ex are still the same awful people they used to be, i have to give them the benefit of the doubt.
maybe now they’re tricked out versions of their former selves, more empathetic, grounded and sane, because of the love of a good man or woman. maybe because of this, they will make wonderful spouses.
and if that is so, then i am really-and-truly happy for them. well…89.54% happy, 10.46% insult-hurling.
so here’s to love. all consuming, life-changing, personality changing love. i hope these jokers have found it.