how she is really doing.

6 Jun

so while i am living in self-imposed exile in this godforsaken country of dust and spice, life is continuing on quite vibrantly back home.  and though i’m mostly ok with the fact that people’s lives are moving on without me, there are days when my heart breaks a little bit.

mainly when i see things like this:

sienna elizabeth caroline - born may 18th, 2011

bootsy anne (with mom + dad!) - born march 13, 2011

the adorable babies in my life are just one of the many oh-so-sneaky things tugging at my heartstrings  from home. and while logic implies that these babes will never remember the 1 year absence of their auntie al,  i still miss them.

and sitting around missing the babies turns into missing my dog, which turns into missing readily-available toilet paper, sour cream, freedom from jc and nachos.  and then it’s all over.

so when bootsy’s mom asked my husband (who i also miss, calm down people) this weekend: “how is al really doing? because her blog only tells us hilarious stories and not really how she is feeling.” (i may have added the ‘hilarious’ in there for emphasis…although let me be straight with ya’ll: i am hilarious) – i could only think that maybe a few more of you were wondering about this.

and so i answer you that how i am really doing is ok. alright. fine. so-so. medium-rare.

are there days when the pictures of your daughters and sons make me both smile and sniffle? why yes.  but do i still understand why i’ve exiled myself here and why i have to stay in said exile? yes.  and does that sometimes suck? affirmative.

so like many other things in our crazy lives, how i am really doing is complicated.

which is why i choose to write about a mélange (you like that word?) of things on this blog: a bit of life in india, some friends and family and a buttload of stuff from my past that makes me so uncomfortable the only solution is to share it publicly.

and it’s this freedom to unload (usually pointless) shit on you, my kind readers, which is truly getting me through the complicated-ness of being so far from home. so thanks – and make sure to tell your friends about me – because i’m hilarious.

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9 Responses to “how she is really doing.”

  1. Auntie A's sister June 6, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    Al, speaking from someone who lived away for 3 yrs (not by myself though….you are amazing) i have lived the moments you talk about many times. Yes every ones lives move along without you but remember yours is moving along without us. All the people in your life wish they were with you experiencing what you are! the ups and downs are just part of life whether you are here or over there. Years later ,your year will seem like a blib but you will remember/refer to your times there often….probably more often than being away for only one year deserves. In 5 years, when it is -40 one cold January day in somewhere Canada, and you are house bound with toddler triplets you will look back at the “year away” and wonder why you hadn’t stayed longer! Keep writing, it is a great way to vent! xox

    • heyitsmeal June 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

      loved this! thanks so much for the support – and i do agree with you – i am trying to ‘live in the moment’ and see the good instead of the frustrating. when i lived in france i spent six months being angry at the french people instead of enjoying every last moment. so…lessons learned!

      trying to find the balance between venting and celebrating…

      xoxoxo

  2. Hannah June 6, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    It gets to -40 in Canada.

    That is enough to pick up the fam and move them down south. Like to Florida.

    The weather’s the same. We have lots of JC’s long lost relatives. We have access to spices and gator tail. And we’re a cheap flight home.

    Done & Done.

  3. Julie Goldenberg June 6, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    You ARE hilarious! I love reading your blog and yes, I do love the “mélange” you throw in there. At least it’s easier these days to still keep in touch with loved ones. Take care Al and blab away about anything, no matter how you’re feeling. We’re all here :)

    • heyitsmeal June 7, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

      this was a very sweet comment julie – it definitely warmed my heart on a particularly shit day. so thanks!

  4. A.A.B. (auntie angie baby) June 7, 2011 at 4:27 am #

    Hey tiny Al. I love that you have my gorgeous grandbaby on your blog. I see her everyday and as I am overwhelmed by her beauty I tell her how pretty she is. Then I tell her that I love her so much. And finally I tell her that she has an Auntie Allie that loves her too – she’s just busy being Indian for a while. Then the baby burps in my arms and sometimes she does a number. That’s when I know she’s protesting that you are so far away.

    I burp and fart and poo too. I love you. She will too. xo

    • heyitsmeal June 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

      i love having her on the blog too – everytime i visit i get to see her and this particular picture makes me smile everytime i see it. she’s the desktop on my computer and the background on my phone…and now on my blog. do we perhaps think i’ve taken it too far? :)

  5. A.A.B. (auntie angie baby) June 8, 2011 at 5:39 am #

    Um, can never go too far when you are talking about that baby.

  6. erinantcliffe June 12, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    Well as someone who can empathize, I’d say it’s worth it! Good days and bad days certainly, but soooo many challenges and growth and amazing experiences in the end. And you are one hell of a blogger – I’ve kind of given up these days, but you are an inspiration. Keep it up!

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