i have gas.

28 Apr

no…not that kind of gas, you weirdos. as if i would post that on such a public forum.  i have gas: fuel! flame! fire!

for the last hour i have literally been practicing turning the gas on…and then off.  on and then off. all the while marvelling in my new-found ability to cook real meals. i’m starting to understand why people become pyromaniacs.

so, in honor of this truly momentous end to the election fall-out which resulted in a) me ignorantly working an extra day this week and b) not having any cooking fuel – i present my first meal:

ok so i know it doesnt look that impressive (eggplant, corn, peppers, butter and onion over rice) but since i’ve been living off peanut butter sandwiches, processed cheese slices and apple juice since last wednesday – this is a frigging feast.

and mr. s even joined me, since he so adeptly negotiated the fuel from the evil bengali gas-hoarders.

this was his first foray into ‘canadian food’. like the guys at the investment firm a few weeks ago, mr. s keeps asking me what a staple canadian diet is. i remain stumped to this line of (constant) questioning, so tonight i said: “turkey dinner and fajitas.”

what a crap answer, i know.

yes, i realize that fajitas are mexican. and actually, turkey dinner is oddly hard to describe in an appetizing way. (“so first you stuff a bird’s ass, and then you remove said ass-stuffing and eat it whilst proudly displaying the bird in the middle of table…” etc.) so overall not a great job  – but at least it’s better then saying poutine.

here i am devouring my feast:

i am most definitely aware that in this picture i look like i would eat your children. i’m just really excited, m’kay?


9 Responses to “i have gas.”

  1. Alecia April 28, 2011 at 11:29 pm #

    i love this blog, you should have done it years ago, cause you’re a great and funny writer. i am just about to subscribe now:)

  2. Alecia April 28, 2011 at 11:35 pm #

    hey, by the by….i went to high school with this amazing guy named Kane Ryan. So….he went to India years ago and tried to participate in charitable work, but found the red tape was ridiculous. He decided to start his own charitable organization and named it “Dirty Wall Project” I know that India is a very big and crowded place but wouldn’t it be cool if you somehow came across him? So that is my not so secret anymore hope. You two seem like you would really get along, two amazing and very inspiring people. Anyway, he also has a blog/website, which you might find enjoyable(Dirty Wall Project), check it out if you like!

    • Al April 29, 2011 at 11:25 am #

      oooo this is so cool! thanks for sharing!!!! i love the name of the ngo too – so smart. india is a hard place to operate in – especially as a foreigner trying to set up an ngo…good for him for getting going. i’m glad youre enjoying the blog and i hope you will get the chance to subscribe as i might stop posting updates on fb for fear or being mass de-friended haha. would love an update from you when you can!!! xo

  3. Hannah April 29, 2011 at 2:56 am #

    Someone just called you amazing and inspiring.

    I’m giggling.

    I mean you’re great, awesome, amazing, an inspiration to all. But you’re also the corkage fearing, wine loving, loud, ridiculously funny Canadian from across the hall. The one who would only make Guacamole if forced to cook and did her laundry in the sink to save money.

    Now you’re playing with fire, making delicious meals, paying men to smoke out your clothes, attacking lizards and saving the world.

    Would the real Al please stand up? I think you’re a fraud.

    • Al April 29, 2011 at 11:24 am #

      if you cant play nice on this blog, i will take away your ball. you hear me?

  4. ica April 29, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

    Bahaha Hannah !! You made me laugh out loud with your past post! Well done mrs. Gator well done !!

  5. Lida April 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

    mmm yum!!! and as a Montrealer I def support the publicity you are giving to our beloved Poutine!!! Its good stuff!
    btw, is ID somehow required to enter your apt??…

    • Al April 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

      lol i really can’t think of anything else thats canadian. maybe beaver tails? i dont know.

      no id required, theres a caretaker there 24/7 and i have numerous giant locks on my front door and then numerous giant locks in my bedroom. its actually exhausting to go anywhere.


  6. A.A.B. (auntie angie baby) April 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    re: the food. Darlin, you need help on the whole food thing. Listen up – AGAIN!! Canada is too big for ‘a food’. Ask them what part of the country they would like a food from and then you can dazzle them with your culinary brilliance and recite something from each part. Up north we steal the seals from the Eskimos. In the east we beat the crustacians with hammers, rip apart their shells with our bare hands and eat their insides; out on the west coast we buy farmed fish – that’s right, it’s a job to grow them; in the praries we grow sacred cows and eat them too. Quebecers ravish the smallest province of their own crop and then douse them with all sorts of crazy conconctions and call it their own. Alas, in Ontario, we order pizza because it’s so Canadian. Come’n Al – be creative!!

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