i hated high school.

21 Apr

ok, who didn’t – right? (and if you didn’t, well now i hate you just a little bit.)

so i hated high school because each day was like being thrown to the dogs – or so it felt at the time anyway.  you are endlessly awkward around your (cough, more popular, cough) classmates, you’re an idiot around the dude you like (i was), you are consistently paranoid that your friends are talking behind your back (they were) and you never have the right outfit on (never did).

of course i’m saying ‘you’ assuming that every teenager was as blindly paranoid and self conscious as i was. no? ok then. moving on.

now, because it’s highly probably that a few people with whom i went to high school will read this, i can’t lie and tell you that i was always treated with cruelty and deprived of compassion.  (god, i wish i could because then i’d have a much more compelling sob-story.) the truth is, is that while i did struggle to get by in teenage hell – i was a giant ass to a lot of people. you can’t win ‘em all folks.

anyway, this rather self-deprecating beginning is all to say that starting a new job in a developing country in a changing industry with a foreign language is just like high school.  and as we have established, i wasn’t a fan.

so far, each day at work i have been mustering my strength to walk through the door of my new office, remember complicated indian names, say hello and try to make friends.  even at my desk, i have been unsuccessfully attempting to integrate myself into the conversation of the wonderfully chatty girls sitting next to me. (they’re talking in bengali, so safe to say the odds aren’t in my favor.) i think they’re nice though? maybe?

basically, right now i’m 16 all over again.

an unfortunate example: yesterday i had a meeting with the team leader of one of the microfinance products. “her” name is joyanta.  pretty sure i went up to a guy thinking he could help me, asked for joyanta, and he said “that’s me.”  awesome move.

it felt just like this picture from 2002 looks: terrible.

a hideous picture, for a hideous moment.

so, long story short  – i’ve decided that enough is enough. i’m not getting very far with my award-winning personality and ability to pronounce bengali words – so tomorrow i’m going to bribe them all with candy to get them to like me.  go ahead – judge me! i know bribery will work, and this too shall pass.

man, i wish that – like in the workplace – i had the opportunity to use bribery in high school. hey, maybe then i wouldn’t have hated it so much.


19 Responses to “i hated high school.”

  1. A.A.B. (auntie angie baby) April 21, 2011 at 6:23 pm #

    My poor snookums – I feel so bad for you. Being the new kid is never easy. Bribery worked when the kidlets changed schools and I sent them with rice krispy squares to share and win new friends so good luck with the candy…as for the foreign language chitter chatter, for sure they are talking about you so smile at them and invite them out socially to be your new bff’s – remember, keep your friends close, your enemies closer.

    Smile darlin’ – remember, you asked for this!!

    • Allison April 21, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

      why didnt my mother send me to school with rice krispies. i have some inquiring to do.

      you are the networking queen so i will take all and any advice.

      no complaints here – just hilarious parallels to past lives.

      love you darling auntie and your commitment to my blog! xoxoxo

  2. Toby Milton April 21, 2011 at 6:28 pm #

    Not that it will help you now, but I thought you were cool and quite enjoyable in high school.

    • Allison April 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm #

      thanks toby! hope all is well, my friend. (your kid is insanely cute, btw)

  3. Hannah April 21, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    The popular girls had big boobs and put out. Since you can’t do either – I have no advice for you. (I mean, you’ve got the bosoms but you can’t exactly flaunt them in Indian now.) I think candy is the way to go. Let me know if you need me to send you pens, do they want gaudy orange and blue international business pens? I can work out a deal.

    Just don’t try the award winning personality you used with me that day I met my across the hall neighbor. I was scared of you for a good week. Thank god Jared was nice.

    • Allison April 22, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

      hahaha you’re amazing morris. send me pens – SERIOUSLY i used the ones i took from when i was at uf in 2009 to make friends at ewb. i found uf pens around the office for a full year.

      oh shut it – your obnoxiousness and my crankiness made us a perfect pair. look at us now – inseparable.


  4. ica April 21, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    We had to take our lunches to school in old used milk bags ! Our mother really! So sad :( I wasn’t cool also sister… I went to the drug school. Oh so fab!

    Well cookies work to on people or chocolate ! Good luck sister !

    Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend!

    • Brenna April 21, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

      Bake cookies… that’s how I won you over wasn’t it?!

      • Allison April 22, 2011 at 10:18 am #

        cookies…and the fact that you’re hilariously sarcastic.

        in an interesting turn of events, i now use your exact recipe to bribe people with cookies at home. it’s like a pay-it-forward type deal?

    • Allison April 22, 2011 at 10:16 am #

      haha, i forgot about the milk bags. so true so true. poor mom.

      trust me, im going to bribe people for all they’re worth.

  5. Barnet April 22, 2011 at 12:46 am #

    • Allison April 22, 2011 at 10:22 am #

      hah!!!! <3 (thats a heart for you darling uncle)

  6. Heather April 22, 2011 at 7:26 am #

    You are SO not alone. New jobs almost always suck at the beginning. I tell every new hire to get ready to go from feeling on top of the world because you just landed your dream job, you exude confidence and a go-get’em attitude and are often moving on from something you know and can do in your sleep. Then you arrive. You realize that you know nothing. NOTHING. No one’s name. Who does what. In some cases, not even where the bathroom is. You begin to wonder how long it will take until you feel capable and smart again. The good news — it doesn’t take long. And you, Allison, will get there faster than most. Enjoy the time where it feels like you have nothing to do because soon they’ll realize all the wonderful things you can do and all the places you add value and then they won’t let you come home at the end of the year.

    • Allison April 22, 2011 at 10:21 am #

      all so true. so true. i have gone through this each time i’ve had a new job – it’s just hilariously exacerbated in this environment. and it really does make me feel like im 16 again. here’s hoping it passes fast and i can get my projects on the go. i actually think you’d find them interesting – so i’ll fill you in when i can. thanks for the encouragement!!!!

  7. Josh Vanwyck April 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

    Alli, I can totally relate. But knowing you, your smile and attitude it is just a few days away from when the entire office realizes how incredibly cool you are.

    But as everyone else says, new jobs always take time. Find yourself an ally. Someone who will invite you to things and do some translation. Cultivate that relationship as it will likely help open other doors.

    On the feeling 16 note, I was wandering through a market in Amsterdam yesterday looking for clothing and wishing you could help me, the shorts I picked up I don’t think are right for me and I was feeling the judging eyes of the Dutch for the rest of the day… ;)

    Keep on blogging!

    • Allison April 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

      loved this, totally made me miss you josh-josh-joshie! i have been meaning to send you an email for a while inquiring about your various goings on, outside of your blog of course. which i love.

      i have made a little ally, and actually the last 2 days have been really good. i got invited out to a disco! good, right?

      don’t worry about the dutch…i can help you from afar. remember: dark wash, boot cut.



  1. hey it's me, al. - April 30, 2011

    […] just in case you aren’t up to date on the developing story of awkwardness at my office (how dare you, by the way), the quick run down is that it’s been a challenge to build good connections with my colleagues here. i’ve been calling it my hideous regression back into high school.  and if we know anything kids, we know that i hated high school. […]

  2. the moments that shock you. « hey it's me, al. - June 4, 2011

    […] we have previously established, i wasn’t a fan of being a teenager. not only was i an emotionally fragile baby bird 95% […]

  3. about 90 days. « hey it's me, al. - July 11, 2011

    […] lot of freeking days to be stuck hating your life every moment – as you do at 18. (wait – or was that just me? […]

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